scratching my niches #9
Why I left Accenture to be a stay at home dad
👋 Hello dear reader,
It’s good to see you again. Here’s a brief look at what’s inside:
What I worked on at Accenture
Becoming too good at asking questions
Taking the leap into a SaDADical
Let’s dive in.
I wrote an entire intro about backend IT infrastructure but then deleted it because I want you to actually read this piece.
In January 2021, while the rest of the world was still spinning from COVID, I was lucky enough to land a job in the fastest growing market at that time. Every company was trying to become a digital first business, and fast. And those that needed to transform the most were, well, very slow.
Think of the traditional behemoths like major utility companies servicing large metropolitan areas, massive industrials and commodity producers like steel manufacturers, multinational banks, telecom providers, and global CPG conglomerates with complex supply chains – they’ve been in operation for decades, have uniquely complicated and interconnected systems, but aren’t always on the cutting edge of technology.
Hopefully I haven’t lost you.
The gist of my deleted “Cloud Computing & Global Systems Integrators 101” is I had to learn everything I could about a complex technology with a vast number of ecosystem players, partners, and competitors, and try to make sense of the enormous impact happening across every market in the world (in a short time).
And it turns out, breaking down a complex new market and discovering where to make a big impact is what made me sought after in the firm – and why I moved to four projects across three technology partners in less than two years. I didn’t need to know how to build the technology, I just needed to know what problems organizations were facing, the impact it was having, and what could potentially alleviate that pain.
But why am I telling you all this?
Because working at Accenture helped me understand what I’m really good at. I realized that my curiosity and ability to think outside specialized bubbles allowed me to make connections and detect patterns others may miss.
Frankly, there are plenty of “solutions'' out there, and most roles (sales, marketing, product) in large Enterprise companies are geared toward spreading the gospel of their solution to everyone. But when you’re hammering a solution, everything you encounter looks like a nail.
By digging deeper I developed a process for asking questions that revealed where problem areas and pain were being felt. Only then did I earn the right to offer up solutions.
Asking WHY and probing deeper with thoughtful questions to get to the root of a problem/opportunity, and only then building a compelling story that both captured attention and incited action became my core specialty.
But why am I telling you what I’m good at?
Because as every fairy tale goes, the hero’s secret talent is also their greatest weakness.
Turns out:
☑️ I can’t not think about big questions
☑️ I can’t not see the patterns – even when I don’t like what I’m seeing
As the novelty of a new project wore off and I ventured deeper into the work we were doing, I couldn’t ignore the recurring questions…
💭 Is the cutting-edge tech we’re rolling out en mass a net positive for the world, humanity, and even tech itself?
💭 Is the huge impact our work is having globally a positive? What are the unintended consequences?
💭 Are these decisions being made purely from a technologist’s or economist’s POV? Or are we looking at this through a philosophical and existential lens?
💭 Are we considering the potential 2nd and 3rd order effects of these massive short term moves, or is the pull to hit individual targets or quarterly profits too strong?
💭 What about all this concern for the environment – is it genuine when our needs for computing power and capacity are growing exponentially?
💭 Is it just me, or does it feel impossible to maintain real focus and attention when on Teams/Zoom calls back to back for 9+ hours?
💭 Isn’t my body meant to move and not be stationary staring at a screen for 9+ hours, and then attached to a phone for notifications the rest of my waking hours?
💭 Do I have more to give the world than what I’m currently offering? *Yes* And knowing that’s true… Is it selfish of me to keep chasing paper and not reorient my life and work?
💭 When is enough really enough?
I didn’t have an answer to any of these questions (still don’t, for most of them). But a few things I began to notice really stuck with me.
What I noticed…
I felt demoralized. I’d be on a video call with 12 other people that were all multitasking and hardly paying attention until maybe their name was mentioned, and the whole time I’m worried my kids are going to barge into the office. I knew I wasn’t adding any value here, nor were half the others.
I was annoyed. Mostly at myself for being annoyed at my kids – but also at parts of the work that didn’t feel necessary. I was annoyed by not living in a way that felt aligned with my values, and for not doing something about it.
I clearly struggled building my life around work, and I know I’m not alone there. I was grateful to have a job, to be able to work from home and be around my kids, but I could see how much this misalignment was draining the little focus, attention, time, and energy I had.
Childcare had been a pretty steady challenge since our kids were born and still was, and the pull to be more involved at home was stronger than ever.
I began to realize how much my sense of identity and meaning was tied up in work – and how this was clouding my vision to see what was right in front of me.
Something I deeply knew clearly revealed itself:
The only thing I ever really knew I wanted to be was a dad.
So, in September 2022, I stepped back from work and fully into fatherhood.
With gratitude, excitement, doubt, fear, and ultimately conviction, I chose to leave a prestigious firm with a great salary, benefits, and downtime on zoom calls for nonstop negotiations with toddlers, endless snack demands, and mommy daddy & me dance classes.
Going from structure and dependability to endless free time (that certainly isn’t free) was a terrifying collision of two worlds, but one that’s brought a lot of change and adventure.
So what am I learning & how’s it going..?
It’s hard AF! Shout out to all moms (stay at home, working, and single moms) who have been primary caregivers by default for all these years.
I spend most of the day making meals that I’ll later beg my kids to eat, and then finish myself.
We all have more time than we think. This is of course easier to realize when your mind and schedule are clear of obligations or deliverables. It still takes real effort but the time is there, and it was there before, too. Once I realized this, everything became a little easier.
Waking up early to have time to myself is absolutely critical for my mental and physical health. My energy is low at the end of the day, so I have to prioritize getting what I need early to sustain energy throughout the day. I’m able to run, stretch/yoga, practice jiu jitsu, write, and take weekly guitar lessons – all between 5-7am.
Choosing the unknown over the known is almost always the scarier choice even if it can bring about a brighter future.
We detest the unknown while we also go out of our way to seek novelty, passion, excitement, adventure – we long for these meaning-making dopamine hits that redefine our self identity. But we fear exclusion, failure, rejection, and ultimately death.
That tension is the source of all life and growth, and I may not be climbing Everest but it feels like a massive undertaking, this saDADical.
An undertaking that I’m beyond grateful to embark on. Grateful for my wife and how hard she’s worked (both as a mother and an entrepreneur) so we can make this transition. Grateful for the career I’ve had and incredible people I’ve worked with up to this point.
And grateful for the impermanence of these beautiful moments I’ll get with my kids (as I wrote about before) during their “magic years” that I can never get back.
Certainly this was not the easy path but I am certain it’s all worth it. Most days 😉
Thank YOU for joining me on this journey!
I hope you’ll keep an eye out for what else is next – more on that soon.
And if you know someone that might enjoy this, I’d love it if you shared!
That’s all folks ✌️
I love you,
Derek
inspiring
Derek "The Bullet" Baynton!
Dude, good on ya! I see you are still "The Bullet" and on target for what it is you want!
So damn proud of you lad!