scratching my niches: #12
Spring cleaning your goals
Hello friends, what a Good Friday! I hope you are well, really I do.
We are now 3 months into 2024. That New Year buzz is fading and all the new life of spring is popping.
But how are those goals, resolutions, habits, or intentions coming along? Have they been replaced by what’s more important? Or are they staring you in the face asking “when are you gonna get moving on this?”
However you keep track of what you’re after each year, I think a little periodic reflection and recalibration can always do some good, and today I’m going through a piece of that process for me.
☝️ Quick Announcements 📢
I was recently invited to be a guest on the Parenting with Impact podcast and had a great time talking about learning styles and embracing movement.
Diane and Elaine are extremely knowledgeable in the world of neurodiversity and very passionate about what they do — their podcast has been a tremendous resource as both a parent and a coach, so it was a real honor to be a guest.
Have a listen via you preferred podcast links → Spotify | Apple | all other podcast players
If you’re interested in learning strategies for raising confident, independent kids, and how you can leverage a coach approach, I’d strongly urge you to check out their work.
Ok, back to it…
To goal or not to goal
Goals can be a polarizing topic. I’ve read countless compelling arguments over the years in support of goal setting and those that are against it, but I’m not going into all that (James Clear provides a nice in-depth take here if that interests you).
I will say that I’ve found when I write down a goal, a force is set in motion and it’s not taking up space in my head anymore. My brain and body are on to the next step — IF that next step is important. And if not, the space is freed up and I can move on.
Of course the opposite of this is true as well.
Those nagging desires to improve something, or that enlivened curiosity to explore something new (now left unattended or ignored), carry an increasingly heavy weight.
For my goal setting process, it hasn’t always been super clear and consistent, but it’s been improving each year.
Typically I’ll start with a big list of “ideas & goals” — some vague, some more specific — and then adjust or tweak throughout January to see what’s realistic, only to get caught up in whatever is urgent by February, and then just roll with it from there.
Goals without a system to support them will likely fall apart somewhere along the way. Like those pesky ideals like “floss more” that you can’t quite make a habit just by wanting to do it more.
But it’s also quite amazing to see the things that DO get accomplished without realizing it like “experiment with extended alcohol break” or “reconnect with lacrosse teammates” — oh yeah I wrote that down…
Spring cleaning to find the how and why
So with ‘the what’ (the goals) in place, I’m using this spring checkpoint to freshen them up a bit, to refine ‘the how’ (the system), and go deeper on ‘the why’ (what do I want to feel?).
The point here is to question the intention behind these goals and more importantly, to believe that they support the vision of who I want to be.
Going through this process allowed me to do a couple things.
One, I was able to simplify the goals into a few core focus areas, which serve as a reminder each day what I’m working towards. It helps keep distractions and shiny objects at bay. If they take away from the greater vision, they can safely be ignored or filed away for another time.
Synthesizing into core areas also makes it feel more manageable — it ties all habits, behaviors, and daily practices back to the core. It allows me to see what I want to work on as an ongoing process rather than an outcome.
Here’s each core area along with some brief notes around what each means for me…
Self — charge up ⚡️ to best serve others. Strive for balance between self-improvement and self-acceptance. How can I get 1% better each day and enjoy the process?
Service — embrace intensity and overcome resistance to create. Focus on my craft and unique abilities to make an impact on those around me. How can my contributions improve the lives of others?
Exploration — create space to follow my curiosities and feel alive. What would it look like to follow the fun? How does this interest increase my capacity to serve others and my capacity for joy?
The second thing this process allowed me to do was to see goals from a different angle than I originally intended, and more clearly define what I really want.
Uncovering what’s underneath
First, let’s take the general “goal” be a better parent.
What about parenting do I want to improve on? What can I do more of? What can I do less of?
I want to create lasting memories and appreciate everyday moments. I want them to feel supported and help educate them.
I want to help them develop skills for regulating emotions and managing difficult situations…
Ok. How can I do that?
I could talk to them about it, read some books with them, watch some videos, ask more questions, disseminate information and tell them what to try.
Or…
I could show them.
By gaining more control over my own reactions to frustrating situations and talking about the tools I’m using to do so, I can model a way to manage these kinds of moments.
So the real goal here that’s revealed is emotional regulation of the self, in service of their emotional growth. Reframing this way allows me to focus on where change can occur and what’s really within my control.
And tying it back to the core area helps me prioritize. I can choose to read that book about our central nervous system and continue my rabbit hole exploration into breathing techniques because they all serve the greater purpose of this core area and goal.
But Why?
Another example of where I did some deep cleaning was around a subcategory of goals I think we can all relate to — health & wellness.
I had a ton of goals listed and knew I wouldn’t do all of them, but what became clear was there was no real benchmark for success beyond a few outcomes.
I listed out the outcome goals and worked backwards to see what I’d need to do to get there. Then looked at them from a systems perspective to see what else needs to be in place for that to happen. And lastly, I thought about some alignment questions to check in with along the way. Here’s a small piece of that:
Outcome goals
Stay healthy, build and maintain endurance fitness on the road to completing Ironman 70.3 in June.
Flexibility — be able to do a front split and a back bridge (meaning need to do hip opening and hamstring flexibility everyday, and backbends)
Create a guided Breathwork video (put learnings into practice)
Dunk two handed (meaning need to maintain mobility and flexibility routine, AND strength training AND mix in some play/gym time)
A stretch goal for 2nd half of year — compete as a blue belt in jiu jitsu competition (meaning stay healthy and get back to training at least two months relatively pain free)
Systems goals
Targeting 3x per week each Swim, Bike, and Run – which means 5 days a week waking up early to complete a workout before the kids are awake, and long workouts on weekends.
Maintain daily stretching and mobility habits — morning movement, movements snacks throughout the day, and an evening extensive wind down stretch.
Practice 1 of 3 stretch/mobility routines (short, medium, long) for variety and to use repeatedly, include deep lunge and backbend
Continue breathwork every day
Transition to a heavy focus on yoga, mobility and strength training in July, get back to jiu jitsu training by August/September
Alignment questions:
What’s the most manageable minimum mandatory I can maintain? (say that 5 times fast)
How can I embrace play as a mindset? (why do we give this up in young adulthood?)
Where can I ease up and relax?
This was helpful and I could see what I needed to do. But it was still too much to keep track of. Sure I can focus on the workouts and stretching, but to what end?
And when I’m tired or unmotivated or feel like drifting towards all the modern comforts and distractions at our fingertips, how can I remind myself why?
What do I want to feel?
I want to feel healthy and capable this year. I want to get stronger, physically and mentally, while staying open and flexible.
Ultimately, I want to feel lighter in my body and mind.
I’m not getting any younger, so this isn’t going to come easy. But I’m playing the long game. I better get to work.
Thanks for reading! I hope this little self exploration was interesting or insightful to you. If so, let me know what resonated. I’m still working on it. I’d love to hear what works for you!
Until next time 👋
Derek